Hatewatch With Us: A Variety Show for Sarcastic People

Merry Happy Whatever and Wrap Battle

December 3rd, 2019  |  43 mins 41 secs

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It's the kickoff to Hatewatch Holidays and we're doing our best to get into the holiday spirit by knocking out some very un-merry content from the jump. First we reunite with Kelsey's One True Dad and Kirstie's new Problematic Uncle, Dennis Quaid, in the Netflix Christmas show Merry Happy Whatever. We get to relive all the highlight of moments in television like Last Man Standing and Everybody Loves Raymond and Dennis Quaid's relationship with much younger women and the patriarchy. Then we are discussing the Freeform reality show Wrap Battle. Join us in rapidly wrapping this pilot (see what we did there?) and exploring some reality tv deep state conspiracy theories. Stay tuned, there is lots for Christmas Coverage to come!

Holiday in the Wild

November 26th, 2019  |  39 mins 5 secs

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We are diving in to our 2019 Holiday Hatewatch coverage with old friend Rob Lowe, and new friend Not-Katie-Holmes, in the Netflix Holiday Classic Holiday in the Wild. We've got elephants, we've got white saviors, we've got African Language, and did we mention the elephants? Come for Netflix's attempted charity tax write off, stay to MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF. Also, please let us know if you genuinely know who we can donate to to help the elephants. Happy Holidays!

Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club: Make Each Other Watch A Hatewatch Part 2

October 7th, 2019  |  46 mins 5 secs

annie james, beach club, below deck, below deck mediterranean, hatewatch, hatewatch with us, lindsay lohan, lindsay lohan's beach club, lohan group, mtv, mykonos, podcast, reality shows, reality tv, streaming, television, thought bubble audio, tv, tv reviews

We're back (on schedule!) for Part 2 of our regrettable series, Make Each Other Watch A Hatewatch. This week, Kelsey has a moral crisis about watching TV on a laptop as we discuss the MTV series Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club. We're so traumatized by the whole thing that we might buy a whole beach in Mykonos. So join us for hot Annie James takes, Lohan Group empire business updates, and ultimately more discussions of Below Deck Mediterranean. And remember, if you want to be our brand ambassador, please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts!

Game of Themes

April 24th, 2019  |  1 hr 4 mins

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As a member of society, you may or may not be subject to this dark time in television, as Game of Thrones is back on television and winter is here. We are dutifully recapping Game of Thrones over at our other podcast, Our Watch Has Ended, but in the interest of Alternative Content, we are here today to recommend content that scratches Game of Thrones' various itches. We cover themes such as Strong Sexual Content, Violence, House/Palace Intrigue, Unlikable Characters, and more! Find out which show we labled as the Hatewatch Superbowl, see how we justify talking about our faves for the millionth time in a new context, listen to Kirstie and Kelsey congratulate each other repeatedly for accomplishing the goal of episode format, and revel in the moment when Kirstie has to tell Kelsey she was right. From Westeros to Aldovia, there's some beef stew for everyone in this episode y'all.

Stay Here and Instant Hotel

February 20th, 2019  |  1 hr 8 mins

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It's the Five Star Podcast experience for the Five Star guest. Luxury! Social Media Moments! Relax and recharge in this chic episode with beautiful, expansive views of the Netflix shows Stay Here and Instant Hotel. Whether you love a knitting show or are looking for the opposite of shows about nice people only, this episode has something for every guest. Enjoy premium features such as Strong Sexual Content Barbie, a lesson on thrummed mittens, and Kirstie and Kelsey Google.

Pilot Palooza 2018

February 4th, 2019  |  1 hr 26 mins

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It's that time of year where we look at the television landscape, put on our best White Savior Doctor lab coats and say, "How can I help?" We entered our third Pilot Palooza with a lot of hopes and dreams, and as it turned out nothing was our shit. After getting our squirrel on with this year's batch of shows, we may just need a montage to Coldplay's Fix You, a time machine, or a collection of tiny boxes which spark joy. We watched New Amsterdam, Timeless, Glow, Sharp Objects, Vida, Killing Eve, and checked in briefly with Last Man Standing, play a quick round of Hot Or Tall, talk about a lot of other shows we would have rather been watching that weren't on the list, and nominate this year's Downward Dog because as always our heros have failed us. Let us know if there are any pilots we missed in 2018, and let us know throughout 2019 what shows you'll want us to watch! If you liked Pilot Palooza you still have two more weeks to enter us in the Sam Heughan Charity Crossfit Contest!: https://www.omaze.com/experiences/sam-heughan-date-night

Bind Off: Outlander Season 4

January 27th, 2019  |  53 mins 34 secs

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Like the mustache on a young hero's face or the thunder in one's pants, we have arrived once again at the end of another season of Outlander. Join us as we trade our gloats and gripes for the season and try to come to terms with challenging ideas such as actual human emotions, facial expressions, drawing, and sad tent sex. Joy was sparked, rage was raged, and the Strong Sexual Content was the Actually Just Normal Feelings We Felt About Sam Heughan's Face along the way. If you want to see us follow up on the very important Outlander thesis presented in this episode, enter us in the Sam Heughan Charity Crossfit Contest this holiday season: https://www.omaze.com/experiences/sam-heughan-date-night

Pilot Palooza coming next week, we swear!

Bind Off: Outlander Season 4 Premier

November 8th, 2018  |  48 mins 18 secs

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Droughtlander is over folks! We are binding off the season premier of Outlander and we're kicking it off with our greatest hits: Sam Heughan's tight white pants, tricorns, Starz market research, Sam Heughan market research, and heated debates about the quality of boning. We'll check in again formally at midseason, but look forward to every episode for the next 13 weeks being an Outlander episode! If you enjoyed this episode/the show, please enter us in the Sam Heughan Charity Crossfit Contest!: https://www.omaze.com/experiences/sam-heughan-date-night

American Girl Stories: Ivy and Melody

October 31st, 2018  |  50 mins 52 secs

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This Halloween we bring you only the spoo000o0o0o0o0o0o00kiest content: an episode a week late, more American Girl movies, and yet another installment of Listen to Kirstie and Kelsey Look at the Internet! We BYOB'd our American Girl stories and learned about gymnastics, civil rights, and ourselves. Discover important changes to the American Girl branding and line up, and don't forget to tell us YOUR American Girl Story!

Hallmark Christmas Preview and Little Italy

October 16th, 2018  |  1 hr 3 mins

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This week's episode is a testiment to women who have it all and the compromises they have to make, such as finding the time to record an entire episode in one sitting. In our first recording session we bring you your favorite segment, Listen to Kirstie and Kelsey Google, and react in real time to the 2018 Hallmark Christmas movie lineup. There are several hot titles we're looking forward to including apperances from at least one Candace. In our second recording, we bring you the Film That Was promised: Little Italy. We beg you, do not watch this movie but do listen to this segment because we've got bespoke rooftop garden lamps, organic pizza dreams, taking shots while playing sexy rain soccer, wet armpit make outs, The Best Pizza Competition, and lots of premade dough. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.